Wasted

Exactly 3 years ago, I arrived in this country to start an unexpectedly journey with lots of ups and downs. What did not kill me made me stronger.

Time flies like an arrow. It's time to move on.

 ---

tl,dr: I'm wasting my time writing a long blog on my life instead of writing a Ph.D. thesis on something I should care about.

---

Wasted

Recently I have been asked to do paperwork that made me review my younger years. It's both reminiscent and a good chance for me to practice self-reflect. Many people told me that a Ph.D. is such a waste of time. Talking about time, various self-help books are teaching you how to make use of your time. I love "wasting" my time. That's why I do not read self-help books like that. And ever since starting my undergraduate study, I have successfully "wasted" 11 years of my adult life.

1. In the first year of uni, I did not go to class very often. I did not enjoy studying Business. I "wasted" most of my time hanging out with my high school buddy at another uni. I "wasted" some of my time trying to learn violin and Japanese and French and failed miserably.

2. In the second year of uni, I still did not go to class very often. I started volunteering for organizations. I "wasted" my time attending events, hoping to contribute to the community. Parents believed I had so much free time, so they got me in a second Business degree program. 

3. Third-year of uni, I had to go to class, "wasted" my time being a double Business degree student. I still volunteered and won Business competitions. I "wasted" some of my time traveling to countries, meet amazing people, and being in love. 

4. Fourth-year of uni, I finished both degrees (somehow). I "wasted" most of my time working at a startup with an amazing operations lean team. I "wasted" my time trying to figure out what I want in life. 

5. The fifth-year, out of uni, I "wasted" all of my time working days and nights for startups. I "wasted" my time to travel more. I "wasted" my soul growing my career in operations. 

6. In the sixth year, I "wasted" my heart realizing I'm no one in this world. I "wasted" my time getting lost and was washed away to Germany. I "wasted" my career going back to school. I "wasted" my experience studying something a bit different. 

7. In the seventh year, I had to go to class. I "wasted" my mind trying to push my old brain to work and my hands to write functions and code. I "wasted" my time traveling in Europe. I regret not "wasting" more time and money to travel then. 

8. In the eighth year, I stopped going to class. I tried to "waste" as much time as possible traveling in Europe, because I know I might not come back soon. I "wasted" 6 hours under the hottest sun hiking in Santorini. I "wasted" the first month of my Ph.D. writing my Master thesis. 

9. Ninth year, I did not have to go to class. I "wasted" my soul going out, clubbing, learning life, and people. I "wasted" some of my time putting on makeup and wearing dresses. I wasted most of my time playing games, playing with fire. I "wasted" my heart living and being crazy in love with a life I never had before. 

10. In the tenth year, I still did not go to the lab. I "wasted" my money on dreams. I woke up after a terrible hangover. I "wasted" time on food. I went back to "wasting" my soul doing a Ph.D. and working at startups again. I was lost, though was found, but got lost again. I feel "wasted". 

11. In the eleventh year, I reached the top of my Ph.D. study and the bottom of my soul at the same time. I "wasted" my time fixing things rather than running away building new things. I did not want to "waste" my time anymore. 

12. ...

I don't know what yet to come. I will "waste" my career in a corporate suit making others rich. I will "waste" my time flying away and starting all over again. I will stay and "waste" my time holding on. I don't know what yet to come. I know I have successfully "wasted" 11 years of my adult life. I only have 30 more years to "waste". Let's do this. 

--- 

Rick and Morty Exquisite Corpse 

Exquisite corpse, also known as exquisite cadaver (from the original French term cadavre exquis), is a method by which a collection of words or images is collectively assembled. Each collaborator adds to a composition in sequence, either by following a rule or by being allowed to see only the end of what the previous person contributed.